A few thoughts on changes, being affected, and kidneys.

Getting it out on paper... or written, anyhow. Just some running thoughts....

1. I like Ricky's blog
Would you donate your kidney to me? Would I donate mine to you? Hmmm...

2. As I've been away from California (arguably, home) for the majority of the past few weeks, I'm realizing some differences to *me* versus who I have been in certain periods of the last few years. Its said that hind sight is 20/20. I think its closer to 20/40. Either way, it's an interesting emotional process to look back at who you have been and who you are today and actually be able to pick out differences that are so significant, you almost wonder if you're the same person at all.

The reason I bring this up is because this past week I've felt more like the person from 3 years ago than I remember feeling in all of the past 2 years combined. I miss this person.

3. A question: Why on earth do we (ok, I) subject ourselves to things that we know will hurt us? And I'm not talking about anything big, just the small stuff. I'm talking about knowing a certain movie, song, etc. will throw you back somewhere - and literally, it does feel like someone's up and thrown you against a wall - and yet, you can't somehow tear yourself away. What is that?! Is this some quirk that I have; forcing myself to re-live this? Am I dousing myself in this, hoping and waiting for it to not affect me anymore? Or is it wanting to wallow, or thinking I deserve to re-live the awfulness over and over, or something else?

Seriously! What is that about?!