My Choose Your Own Adventure Book

A friend of mine is getting married and going through a “which life do I want” dilemma that’s making me think about what I want in 5 or 10 years. I know not all of my hang ups are either-ors (there are instances where both can happen), but I feel like I should know by now what I want in life. I don’t think that’s the case for me at the moment.

At 12, (6th grade), we all had to write down what we wanted to be and what we wanted with our lives in 10 years. My 12 year old idea of where I’d be today was very defined. Where I actually am from where I thought I’d be so completely different, its unbelievable. At least I kinda had a plan, though…. right?
I was going to be a doctor (probably would still be in school).
I was going to have kids (who knows… They don’t fit in my life at the moment).
I was going to be married (the idea of forever requires a patience I don’t know that I have).
I wasn’t going to live in NYC (school, kids, and a husband would not have allowed it).
I was going to travel the world (this, at least, I’m doing somewhat inline with my 12-year-old idea).
My parents would be retired (my Dad can’t seem to figure that one out).
My best friend would live much closer (damn it, Amy!)
I’d never even think about teaching (today it sounds so relaxing…. And I did love doing it).

At 28, if I think ahead 16 years ahead (44, for you math majors), I seem to come across this black hole of ideas. A million plans in a million directions and nothing certain or concrete. Maybe its a lack of focus. I’d rather call it open-mindedness. Or insatiable curiosity. Not that this by any name is anything out of the ordinary… How many college majors and states did I run through before landing where I’m at?! It’s a bit disturbing in an oddly satisfying way.

There are a few options that seem to be seriously viable possibilities, and I know the decisions I make today will place me into one of these lives. Likely without allowing me the chance to consciously decide which I really want. Does anyone really end up consciously deciding where they land anyhow? I need to be able to read ahead in my Choose Your Own Adventure book and see which life works out the best so I can make my decisions accordingly. If anyone comes across the book about me, send it my way.

Things I've forgotten and Newly Remembered

// I really really really like the sun
// Gray skies were never my thing
// Mailing cards when I have a deadline is hard. When there is no deadline, I mail them often!
// I shake when I get really nervous, even when I shouldn’t be nervous
// Opening the door for people in my California office was always a pain
// I have a Fry’s gift card that I haven’t yet used… and can’t in NY
// I miss having no roommates
// Cooking is usually much tastier than food I order in.
// My head and my heart don’t often agree
// Ashley’s couch really is comfortable

New Years Resolution....

Some weeks are just hard, and there’s seemingly no way to escape it. Don’t get me wrong; I love my life right now. I really really do – my job, my personal life, my family – all of it. But this week has been enough to make me want to crawl under my desk, curl in a ball, and not come out. One of my favorite colleagues had his last day today, too, which doesn’t help. This has gotten me thinking about what I want my life to be – I hate being this stressed out, and want to enjoy my life, but work hard and be successful too.

**I must interject here. The TV is on, and I just saw someone presenting the most amazing shoe. It has a convertible heel! The heel folds from a high heel down to a low one really easy! Mental note: must figure out where to find these. I so need them!

The good news, despite the stress (that oddly is making my chest bone crack like a back or finger does), is that I know I can get through this. That I’m a strong person and am only learning. I only wish this learning didn’t keep me from the other silly things I’d like to do – start doing some gymnastics again, taking a Spanish class, etc. My new year’s resolution has come out of this, though, and I’m going to separate work and life better. That’s it. Separation. A piece for each side. Ignoring neither.

My issue today is that its not even December, and I’m already thinking that I may have to delay implementation of this resolution until February. *Deep breath* I can start in January and make sure I’m set in February. Right? Right?!

What I did last weekend (a la 4th Grade's 'What I did last summer')

I had to start with the kissing bees. :)
There are certain things that innately relax me:

• A hot cup of tea (with milk!)
• A good book (not the start. It becomes relaxing about 5 pages in).
• Open expanses (where can I get that in NYC?)
• Listening to someone talk. Not what they're saying, necessarily, but the sound of their voice.
• Hiking
• Star-gazing with the heat on and the windows open from a car (again, where can I get that from NYC?)
• Quietly sitting with peole I care for. The knowledge that they're there is comforting. maybe just reading, taking a nap, or watching (or sleeping through, in my case) a movie.

This past weekend encompassed a number of these for me, and resulted in an amazing weekend in Albuquerque. Even if I didn't get to see any old friends while I was there (a first for me!). I went to the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta (http://www.balloonfiesta.com/) this past weekend. I have my eyes opened to something new everytime I visit a place, and this was no different. The quirkiness that originally made me yearn for Rhode Island, then became commonplace, has now become quite strange again. But this time, its in an I'm-so-glad-I-got-to-know-that kind of way.

A friend was with me this weekend that had never been to ABQ or NM even, and seeing their experience of it for the first time helped me see it anew again as well. The good and the not-so-good (which did make me a mite sad).

To get on with my Albuquerquean Adventures:
- Mass Ascension:
One of the greatest things to wake up at 6am for - EVER. Hundreds of hot air balloons lifting off. With every lift-off, there is clapping and cheering by crowds in the the thousands. It is silly, but lifting in a very simple way. Every age group is represented, and you still see people tinkering with massive film cameras, just to have these images put somewhere more permanent than the fade-prone memory bank provides.

- Evening Balloon Glow:
A picture simply doesn't do this justice. Feel the excitement of an old-ime amusement park. Hear the happy chatter of a million people on a sunny beach, mid-summer. Smell the deep fried twinkies and turkey legs that can only mean care-free, relaxed people ignoring their usual diets. Curl tight into your warm sweater, as you would in front of a fall camp-fire... Add in a hundred inflated hot air balloons thethered down in the light of the sliver of the moon. No other lights around, and as a countdown ends, have the them all light up like flickering stars up close. It's an experience more satisfying than almost anything I've ever known. Romantic, too. I would take a "date" at that event over anywhere else (provided, of course, that I liked the guy enough to suggest it). :-)

- Albuquerque/Sandia Peak Tram:
This tram provides access to the spot in Albuquerque that allows for postcard worthy photos when the sun sets. I went a number of times while living in Albuquerque but make a point to do a trip here every time I go back to visit. A cup of hot cocoa, a perch on an outside bench, overlooking the entire city of Albuquerque and the western horizon, and a warm blanke (forgot that part this time!), and you've found yourself the bests sunset to watch. I took a photo here a year or two ago, and its framed on my wall now.

- Hinkle Family Fun Center:
(Yes, I have included Hinkle... so did the "Things to do in Abq" at the hotel, so I feel validated). Corny, yes. It's really just an arcade with laser tag, go-karts, and mini-golf. Somehow I lost at everything I played ---Skeeball, basketball, airhockey, and some firing ball game. How that happened, I'm not sure. I'm convinced the machines were against me. Unfair!!!

- The Volcanos:
In the 4.5 to 5 years I lived in Albuquerque, I never actually went out to the volcanos on the west side of the city, I never actually went out to them. I wish I had. It's a great sunny (albeit short) hike up to the top, and a perfect East-facing vantage to the city and Sandia mountains. Plus, you get to sit on lava-rocks!

Although i do love NYC and everything it offers, it is the polar opposite to ABQ. When I grow-up, I want a place somewhere as brilliant in the relaxation & scenery departments as Albuquerque, and a place as rich in experience as NYC. I have a lot of work to do to get there....

Oh! I've brought back some new Green Chile recipes too... Time for home-cooked meals by Amanda!

FF Bragging and Baseball Playoffs

Fantasy Football (Bragging):
Week 5 games have ended and I, the sole female on my Fantasy Football team, am in first place in my division. Yes, ok, there is one person with a better record than me, but you have to give me that I'm still doing brilliantly with Maroney and Westbrook out last week. I'm going to savor this moment with a picture. Come back to me in a few weeks; hopefully I'll still be bragging. :)

Baseball Playoffs:
I purchased a few tickets to the 5th game of the ALCS in NYC and as much as I love that the Yankees are OUT (ok, 1 inning remaining in the CLE/NYY game tonight), I'm disappointed that I won't be attending the 5th game of the ALCS as a Boston/Yanks series. :( The good news is that I love being in NY and making fun of the silly Yankees fans who think they're actually going somewhere... SUCKS FOR THEM!!!

And where did the Rockies come from??? Gotta say I'm impressed (though they'll never take it from the AL...)

Peculiar Feelings

I never know how to start writing… Everyone always says the first sentence is the hardest, and it seems today to be absolutely true. I have this spool of thoughts in my head at the moment, and I just can’t seem to find the end to unravel it.

A good friend of mine has always accused me of being insensitive, and though I would never call myself that, I can see how I might come off as such at certain times. That said, I don’t think I’m particularly emotional, though I think you only come across emotions as they’re evoked within you. Emotions aren’t something you understand until you feel them. I’m not sure why over the last 5 or 6 years I seem to recognize the abnormality and peculiarity of new emotions when I do feel them, but it does seem to happen. More than 5 or 6 years ago, I don’t recall feeling something and stopping – dead stop in my emotional tracks – to think I could feel *this* and never before have come across it! It’s a strange combination of curiosity and amazement… and then excitement or tension, exhilaration or unrest… It’s bizarre to realize you feel more than you think you could.

I had this happen today. I was with someone I trust and still felt it was so foreign I couldn’t even discuss it, even if I almost needed someone to steady me at that moment. It was not a good moment, and I can’t say I’ve ever hurt so much for someone else’s pain.

Exhausted, but happy. Really happy.

I got my haircut by someone other than Sergio.
I'm really happy.

I took on a new role at work and now work a million hours a week.
I'm really happy.

I finally got approval granted for my new apartment and need to move in.
I'm really happy.

My car was delivered in 1 piece to the east coast and needs to be sold.
I'm really happy.

My furniture was delivered to Hoboken and needs to be moved into my new apartment.
I'm really happy.

I'm spending only 2 weeks of the next month at home.
I'm really happy.

One of my roommates is a little anal...
I'm really happy.

I have a lot of cleaning to do.
I'm really happy.

Don't you just love it when you just can't stop enjoying your life, even if there are a million things going on!?.... Loving my life here; I'm really happy!

It’s already September!

Excitement! Although the Red Sox have just finished a disappointing 3-game sweep here in New York, they’re still in first place across the entire league, not just the AL East, and 5 games up on the ogres I have to live amidst. I cannot wait for the series to begin!
(Yes, I called them ogres.)

One of my soon-to-be roommates is a through and through New York Yankees fan. Over the top. Even though he’s lived in Boston the last few years! I haven’t decided if this is a recipe for an interesting at-home rivalry with a bit of goading from us both, or just flat-out hatred for each other for 7 months out of the year. Hopefully our other roommate doesn’t kill us both for our constant battling on this subject.

The three of us have been looking for a place incessantly for the last couple of weeks, which is an extremely draining experience in NYC. We finally put in an application to the co-op board of a great building this past week, and my fingers and toes are crossed that all goes through without a hitch. (Now is the point where you assure me your fingers are crossed as well).
I want a place to just call home now, and really hate the apartment hunt –I’ve been in a near-constant state of apartment hunting for about 7 years now. There was 1 place that I lived longer than a year, and everywhere else I had short term leases, and thus bounced around. I think I must be growing up for want of this stability. My parents should be so proud… Only took just shy of 28 years!

I’m heading back to California for this next week to sort out the remaining bits of my life on the West coast – my car, my apartment, etc, etc. Half of me is dreading this for the pain-in-the-ass component, the other half relieved to finally be getting my bits and bobs out to the East coast. I have a few A’s games planned, some time out at the beach is definitely on the schedule, I have to get a few cases of good wine to ship back, and I’m working from our SV office too, so it likely will be a complete whirlwind of a week.
In the meantime, GO RED SOX!!!!

Firsts

The Small Stuff:
** Watching rollerskate dancing
Really. I fall in love with this city all over again when I find the little NY quirky hobbies

** Clicking
Meeting people that are immediately fun and disarming...

** Not really missing California
This is a newer development. The pangs for my house and my life in Cali are waning. Not that I don't miss my friends and good wine, and I'm sure next time I'm there it'll be hard, but I'm happy here.

** Dressing up
And enjoying it... This side of the country is far dressier, both in the office and outside of it. I think I've worn jeans a total of 3 days (weekends included!) since I moved to NYC. I don't have to dress up for work, but I have been and I find I enjoy it immensely.

** Wanting a [slightly] longer commute
Everyone else gets to read a book! I'm confined to the iPod since I only go 3 stops away. Not that I don't like music....

** Giving directions
I so love how it feels to be asked where something is in the city and actually knowing where to direct them! Its like I'm a real New Yorker, only with a CA drivers license!

The Big Stuff:
** Being a NYC resident
Loving living my dream - a good life in a big city.

** Being car-less
It's liberating in so many ways, though I couldn't imagine not having one somewhere else. I actually don't even think about it much, sitting out there in glorious Sunnyvale. How cool would a vespa out here be though?!

** House hunting - for real
Unbelievably scary, daunting, and exciting all at once... How much it symbolizes being an adult to me scares me even more.

** Desiring stability
Odd... I've moved more times than I can count in the last 4 years (5 states and about 4-5 times that in moves!). I finally want a home.

Definition of a Date

After a few discussions on what exactly constitutes a date this weekend, I feel the need to clarify my position on the matter:

1. Someone included in the outting must admit to the event being a date.

2. Hooking up does not necessarily mean you were on a date.

3. If, while dating someone exclusively, you later find out it was not exclusive despite exclusivity being laid out by both involved parties previously, you can choose to remove the label of having dated.

4. Going out to dinner does not necessarily mean the event was a date.

First 4 Days

I'm not quite at my week mark in NYC yet, but I've had an eventful couple of days.

:: I found my 2 new favorite bars ::
- Automatic Slims, which is a crazy dive bar with plastic cups and 80's music and the most non-pretentious people in all of Manhattan. They even played 99 Red Balloons, which made my night! :)
- 75 Dive, which is a fun bar with Scrabble, Connect Four, and Jenga, among other games... And jars of candy around! (For those of us with a sweet tooth, this is much much better than nuts and pretzel jars). To note, I won at Scrabble and Jenga. Connect 4 was dominated by the folks at the table next to mine.

:: I attended a author's book launch party ::
- A friend of mine took me to the house party celebrating the release of Hannah Rogge's new book. So fun! Met a few new uber-creative people, and got to meet an author!

:: I saw the jazz floutist that provided the track for Ron Burgundy in "Anchorman" ::
- This was cool! I went to a tiny jazz bar in Greenwich Village (55 bar) and watched an amazing jazz show. The sax player also played jazz flute and was later introduced as being of Anchorman fame. He played a bit of the track, and yes, it truly was amusing!

Gotta say, I'm enjoying this city! :)
I just hope everyone I've physically run smack into, face first of course, while trying to navigate the subway system can forgive me!

Arrived.

I've arrived. I'm in Manhattan now, supposedly for good. Or as long as "for good" means for me, which could only be construed to be anything over 6 months with my history.

The good news is that I LOVE my apartment. I have a temporary furnished apartment for the time being, which is 2 blocks from Union Square - a really great area to be in the city. I'm a few train stops from my office, and in the middle of everything: a block to the movie theater, mall, walgreens, starbucks, the subway stop, etc etc etc.

The apartment itself is a 1 bedroom place PLUS a loft area, so I have room for visitors. :) Who wants to visit!? And I have a dishwasher, elevator, and a doorman! These are things not often found together in a NYC apartment for less than the price of your soul. I only had to shell out 1/2 my soul for this beauty!

The bad news is that this has been an unbelievably hard week. Like you wouldn't believe. I've spent the last few days visiting clients (which, actually can be classified as a "good news" item), but in the process, my work and email have built up. Ugh. And I miss California. And those that have been close to me. And my apartment. And the beach. And the lack of humidity. And the sunny skies and lack of rain. And the mountains. And my car... No, not really the car. But the rest of it, I miss A LOT. I feel like a pregnant woman. (I'm not!) Up and down, love ny and miss california....

I also met a girl that I didn't expect to like. Oddly, I think I would enjoy having her as a friend, despite the wreck of an occasion that made us meet. It feels strange though... *shrug* Not sure what the right thing here is to do.
I wish all of this was so much easier.

A Vote:

Are relationships supposed to be easy or do they take work to be good?

Cheated!

Two weeks ago I went to London to be there for the third of my 4 college roommates to get married. (Ellie! Its you and me now....)

I decided to fly Air Canada primarily because it's a partner with United, and I'm all about the miles, and the flight was super-cheap. And super-long. 17 hours out there, to be exact, which doesn't take into account the 2 hour delay we ran into in Calgary. I will never do that again, though I have to say, the flights are nice: Personal video screens, video/game/music libraries to choose from, tasty food (and fruit!), and lots of leg room in Economy.

What DID get me was the cheating they engaged in. Yes, cheating. You see, I decided to have some extra snacks on the first leg of my flight since we were delayed out of San Fran and I hadn't had a chance to have dinner. Thankfully, they had excellent choices, including pepperoni pizza and fresh apples with caramel sauce, which I chose to have. This came out to a nice total of 5 US dollars OR 5 Canadian dollars. I thought, well, drat! I don't have 5 Canadian dollars, which is the equivalent of about 4 US dollars (so I could have gotten my meal essentially for a dollar cheaper).

I thought, ok, oh well, its a dollar or whatever. And then, when I only had a $10 US bill, they gave me my change in Candian dollars!!!! CHEATERS!

*sigh*....

A Disappointing Level of Smack Talk - Nay! A LACK of Smack Talk

I have to admit 2 things:
1. I am a weirdo when it comes to baseball... Super-passionate, uber-excitable, avid follower. Anyone who knows me at all can attest to this. Which leads to my second revelation of the day:
2. I play fantasy baseball.

Not only do I play it, but I'm that guy that checks it daily (and still isn't number 1 - grrr), updating my players, checking who's being dropped, added, figuring out new ways to evaluate my players - I even get all of my players' stats for the day sent to my phone (ok, so this is complements of one of my clients at work, but that is neither here nor there).

I also enjoy a tiny bit of sh** talk. Smack Talk. Making Cracks. That's right - I like to goad people, make them feel like crap when they can't beat me, and even stoop low enough to claim "At least I'm prettier than you" when they do beat me.

And yet, this year, NO ONE has said a word back. There's a part of me, only a small speck, mind you, that is feels the tiniest bit bad about making snarky comments to everyone. This is supposed to be a game, people! Games are supposed to include people that WANT and LIKE to win... People with a competitive spirit that enjoy trash talking. It fires you up (unless no one bothers to care that you are trash talking).

And this is the problem that I'm running into.... very disappointing, I must say, very disappointing.

Starting Over...

This being my first post that I've publicized, you might think I'm "starting over" my blogging.

I wish it was that simple!

In the past 2 weeks I've made some pretty tough decisions:
1. To move Cross Country, planned for July (in a month!)
2. To turn down a fantastic job offer with a company I respect
3. To (try to) open my heart to someone I've cared about for a long time

I didn't mean to put them in order from easiest to most difficult, but I did. It even seems harder for me to spit out the decisions I've made as I get further down my list (so my list is only 3 items long... let me believe this is as hard as it feels).

The cross-country move has been something I've had on my mind for a while now. It was part of the reason the Other Job was appealing to me. I love California and all, but gotta say, I don't think the state has really liked me - at least until I decided to leave. It's being nice now, right as I'm getting ready to make the big move. There's so much I'm going to miss. I, being the list-maker that I am, made a Pros and Cons list before I made the decision to move. There were items on this list that were stricken off by friends and family that seem now to have merrit - namely, good Cali wineries, Santa Cruz (yes, the entire town; beach, boardwalk, downtown, pier, and all), proximity to fluffy Tahoe skiing, and shark fishing. Oh yes, and let's not forget the sunroof on my car (not the car itself), and my fantabulous balcony overlooking the pool. All valid items to list on my Pros for staying in California.... right? NYC seems great though; I'll love giving up my car (not the sunroof!), living in the city, having everything open late, being able to walk places (maybe this is a Con in the winter)... In the end, the score was California - 10, New York City - 10.5.

I've made the decision to turn down a new position (at a new company) that would allow me to lead the account management division of a company - this was a tough decision. When it came down to it, I accepted it, gave my notice to my current company, and was asked to stay - and offered the ability to move NYC if that's what I needed. After much discussion and even more thought, I decided the best decision was to stay with my current company. I'm happy about it - I like the company, the people I work with, and what I do - and now I believe there's some understanding around where I can grow. In the end, this was a good thing for me to go through.

The heart is by far the most difficult one. For a number of reasons, after starting to date someone a year and a half ago - someone I cared immensely about - I ended things. Granted, most of my reasoning behind this wasn't great; In many ways it was selfish, though I do know I was trying to do what I thought was best. My problem was that I refused to discuss the real reasons for ending things.
February this year was a turning point - I finally was at a point where I could allow myself to be in a realationship, but I didn't know how to go about changing things. Only recently have I opened up about my reasons, and I think I may have taken too long to open up, losing any chance I had with this person... I'm not sure now how to handle this - if there's even a possibility left - but I do know at least that I have to open myself up to him in order to even have a prayer. And now I just wait.....?

WAIT!!!

I spent today cleaning. REALLY cleaning. My car, which hasn't been thoroughly cleaned in at least 3 years, is now spotless. Vacuumed, dusted, steam cleaned... Its great! I'm so completely impressed with my car now that it's clean that I definitely can't - don't want to - sell it to move into the city.

My house also got the same treatment - vacuuming, dusting, going through boxes of stuff, framing pictures to get them off the floor; I even bought some 20 hangars to make sure I have enough to hang up all my [new] clothes. I feel so content in my house and with my car and with my life here that I'm having 2nd (and 3rd!) thoughts about the big move. Namely, I DON'T WANT TO GO YET!!!!

I'm down to just over 2 weeks left in California, and while I'm excited about moving to NYC and starting my life there, I'm SO happy with my life out here at the moment. Do I have to go yet? [Yes]. Can't I wait a bit longer? [No].

*sigh*

I will miss it here.

Just Getting Words Out...

I spent last weekend in NYC. In Manhattan. I absolutely loved it, though I had sticker shock when it came time to get a feel for the housing market. All I gotta say is "ouch!"

I think I'd do really well there, both personally and professionally, but a friend told me yesterday not to "get hard." I understand the concept, but how much really would it change in me? I can be blunt. I am hugely reluctant to let people into my personal life - it doesn't happen easily. I know what I want and I don't get sidetracked. Will I really change? (Elle - is Holly different?)

I'm certain my life will change - California is far different from NYC. Everything about it. Have you seen the difference between JFK airport and the SFO airport?!

And really, how much time do I really spend in-town on the weekends? I think I've spent all of 5 weekends in town since the New Year - I like to travel!

I'll keep my perspective. I'm certain I will. I feel like I'm trying to convince myself of this.....

New York or San Fran?

New York, New York… My Way… It Was A Very Good Year… If I Go Away… All of Nothing At All

Frank Sinatra's song titles seem to describe my life at the moment. I am getting My Way in having a good chance for a transfer to New York, New York. So far, this Was A Very Good Year, especially as it relates to my job and the potential transfer. But what happens If I Go Away?

I've actually started to really enjoy my life in California – a fairly new development after the last few years' surprises, disappointments, and struggles in just about every perceivable area of my life – health, career, personal relationships… I'm at my 2 year mark from my health diagnosis (tomorrow, actually) and only 2 months ago, received my "All's Clear" from the doctors. My career is going well, a new job and 2 promotions later, and I'm finally at a point where I've [mostly] let go of the after-effects of a bad relationship. I guess I'm lucky in that I did get past it, and understand it was NOT a good thing. Won't be going there again, ever!

So this year has been all new for me. I recently moved after my then-roommate decided to impose ridiculous rules for the house (no phone calls after 7pm!) and absolutely LOVE my new place. It's spacious, not too expensive, and in a really great location. And I live alone for the first time in 5 years. God, it's glorious!

I've been on a mission to live in NYC or abroad for a while, and now that I finally have the opportunity, I'm a bit nervous about whether I actually should leave. I'm excited, though sometimes I'm not sure if that's because I have what I want, or because I've "won" in getting what I (thought?) I wanted. I'm a competitive person. I don't know which one it is…

And how do I decide? It's not like I'm trying to choose between places that are near each other and I could visit quite a lot. I'm picking between either end of the country. It's likely I'll have the chance to be back on the West coast two or three times a year and I love to travel (+), but I'm giving up fabulous winter weather (-), fabulous skiing close by, (-) and the laid back attitude (-) that comes to everyone that lives out here.

I would get to keep my laid back work wardrobe (+) since the office in NYC is only 3 people large, including myself. I like dressing up, but I definitely appreciate knowing I can wander into the office in jeans when I just don't feel like putting myself together in the morning. I'd be closer to my family (+), able to travel to Europe more easily (+), and get to live in Manhattan (+). Plus, the people in California aren't straight with you like in NYC. (+,-) East coast "attitude" is that bluntness that I've really worked hard to reign in since living on the West coast.

So it's not really All Or Nothing At All. There are benefits to living in both places, though I can see that I'll end up going either because I've "won" this or because I really want to go. Either way, it'll work out. I don't have the "it's not right" feeling, which I had last time I was offered a position back East. Not to say I have the "it is right" feeling either. I guess we'll see. My time to make my decision is fast closing… I have some wiggle room, though, I do NOT want to move out there just in time for the crappy cold winter. I'll need some summer to get used to it. Waiting until the end of the year probably won't happen… My parents will be pleased.

Slight Overreaction?

Ok, so I may have slightly overreacted last night. But please grant that I had long flights and jet lag to deal with when I arrived to messed up hotel stuff and had spent the day doing my best not to get too cranky. It ended when I found the hotel.

I'm better today after my 2-3 hours of sleep last night, though still NOT happy with the hotel. Because its so late, and being the week before Queen's Day, hotels are scarce... I'm having to spent another night with loud Sexy Time noises coming from everywhere. I'm so serious! Above me, below me... people need to STOP having so much sex while I'm trying to sleep!!! (Not pleased). So another night there, then on to another hotel for 2 nights, and then another hotel for the last 2 nights. Fun stuff, but hopefully the beds have a bit more padding, the walls are thick enough to muffle sex, and my window doesn't overlook a sketchy alley with yelling weirdos all night. Cross your fingers for me.

Really, I'm better today, though it may not sound like it. ;) I'm happy to have found a decent internet connection (not cheap) and have a new hotel to look forward to tomorrow night. One that has a blow dryer since I nearly started a fire trying to use mine last night... Forgot to mention that before...

Next time I travel, I think its possible I hire someone else do to my bookings. Apparently I suck at it.

Complaining from Amsterdam

FYI – This is solely me complaining. If you continue to read this post, you cannot tell me I'm just complaining. It will get better at some point, and maybe then I'll post a happy blog. Until then, just let me rant.
Amsterdam has lost major points.

Yes, today, my opinion of Amsterdam is hardly above "sucks". Possibly below that, actually. Maybe I'm just being grumpy and exhausted after being in airports and in planes for the last 12 hours and then getting poor directions to hotel (resulting in an extra 20 minutes wandering around Central Amsterdam) but I think this is the first time I've ever been in a foreign country and just wanted to go home. My hotel room wasn't booked correctly and now I have a shared bathroom to deal with. I moved out the dorms in college because I hated sharing bathrooms. I do NOT want to be back there now. There is a spring poking through the mattress. How am I supposed to get a decent night's rest? The internet that I also required the hotel to have is broken. So neither can I work from here tomorrow, nor can I find a new place to stay tonight. I'm annoyed. And exhausted. And really displeased with the current situation.

Can someone/anyone fix this crappola!?

Sports Categories

I've had a lot of time today to devote to my internal dialogue of random and useless thinking as United's flight plans have been a bit "mussed." United and I need to have a chat - I was bumped from my 1st [direct] flight, the 1st portion of my rescheduled flight was ok, the 2nd portion of my rescheduled original flight was cancelled, I was bumped from my rescheduled 2nd portion, and my re-re-scheduled 2nd portion has been delayed 4 hours... 4 different problems, and YES, I'm counting. I digress.

In all this spare time, I have given some thought to Tennis and other sports people enjoy. I've come to the conclusion that there are 3 general categories people fall into with regards to Sports People Like to Play.

a) People who like Tennis,
b) People who don't like Tennis, and
c) People who don't like sports

I belong to the second category. Now, I'm not sure if this is a throw-back to the controlling, narcissistic PE teacher I had in 10th grade and her desire to Force tennis onto people, but I do NOT like tennis. Its closer, really, to abhoring it. I don't like all that tennis stands for, nor is a particularly interesting and fun sport to play.

Plus, who names a score "Love"?

Spanglish-Italiano-What?

Coming to Spain/Catalonia, I was nervous about handling the language barrier. I didn't trust my knowledge of Spanish to be good enough to get around, much less having any kind of knowledge of Catalan, the language local to Barcelona. Before leaving, I was quite focused on my initial week in Spain, thus, Italy was not really on my mind – much less learning or understanding the Italian language.

When I arrived in Barcelona, I found early on the language to be a struggle, but I could form sentences. Surprisingly, I was able to understand about 20% of Spanish at "regular" speed, and around 50-80% at a slower speed or with repetition, even more. I felt a combination of embarrassment that I didn't know or understand more, and pleased that I obviously knew more than enough to get around, ask for and understand directions, order meals, make purchases, and have very basic conversations. I have to say I tried hard and I think I was respected a bit for it, though those that I was speaking to would usually switch to English when they heard my broken Spanish… This was a relief, but I also wasn't crazy about the switch since it didn't force me to understand as much. Before the week was over, I remembered how to do past tense and present perfect (the "-ings") – neither of which I could remember prior to heading over there.

Then I got to Italy.

Italy was a bit different. I have no background whatsoever in Italian, though I can manage a handful of words; Hardly enough to get around the city. I should have been more prepared. I did pick up a few words here and there that I didn't know before (to manage directions and meals, primarily) since English is not as prevalent in Rome as it is in Barcelona. Still, I understood a few things fresh off the boat (plane, whatever) – A guy asked me if I needed any help (in Italian) while I was getting myself and Amy lost attempting to find our hotel. When I said "No, grazie", he persisted with much more Italian than I could handle… Haha. I appreciate his attempt at helpfulness, but I didn't know how else to respond except with the same "No, grazie". At that point, he realized my Italian was limited nearly to those two words.

[Note to Self: It does not make someone very effective at getting around if all you can say is "No, thanks". And, ok, I knew a bit more: Buongiorno, ciao, vino, and a few choice words/phrases that may not have been the best way to start a conversation in Italian, but not nearly enough to be convenient or liked.]

Getting back to my story… So he realizes I'm clueless when it comes to Italian. I'm responding with Si and some warped combination of what little Italian I do know, Spanish, and when all else fails, English. It was really more of a Spanglish-Italiano mess. I cannot imagine this was particularly useful to me or anyone attempting to speak with me, but when flustered, I was just going with the words I knew in the language closest in proximity to where I was. So, Italian first, Spanish second, and English third. I'm not sure what I was thinking. Fortunately, "yes" is "si" in both Spanish and Italian! One more word to add to my list of Italian words I understood! But at the beginning, I did only think my "si" was Spanish… And I think English is a more common language here than Spanish, but again, that flustered thing would come into play….

But again, I digress. What I did get in response to him was obviously a displeased lecture. And although I don't know Italian, I did pick up that he thought that I should know Italian if I was in Italy and leave the Portuguese (?) and English to when I was in the appropriate country. I'm still not sure where the Portuguese came from, but that's neither here nor there. I was lectured for not knowing Italian within an hour of being in the country. Lesson here: Know at least some of the language prior to entering a country.

Now that I'm nearing the end of my trip, I have managed to pick up directions and can order a few things off of a menu in Italian. I know I can get around pretty well in Spanish and understanding Spanish wasn't a problem. Reading is probably the easiest form of communication in both Spanish and Italian - I can read to you the advertisements and billboards I passed on all my bus rides! Definitely an improvement from where I started, at least in Italy.

Two goals have resulted from this experience:

Learn a second (third, fourth?!) language fluently. Most probably, my second will be Spanish, noting where I currently reside.

Make sure I know enough of the language to at least get around a bit, next time I visit a foreign country.

Barcelona & Roma: Observations and Lessons Learned

I've spent a lot of time over the last week or so enjoying Barcelona and Roma and have run into so many things that make you open your eyes and realize how different things are around the world. I am absolutely, 100%, capital 'L' - Loving my adventure - every minute of it, even in the rain and cold... :) I want to make sure I remember things about my trip, so I've been keeping notes (yes, I'm a dork) and thought I'd open a few of my thoughts and quirky items I've come across to my friends. This is a work in progress, so I'll be updating as I have time and an internet connection.

1. Never drive in Rome. The Italians may trick you with their lane lines into thinking they drive very obediently like the rest of europe. These lane lines are purely for asthetic reasons and nothing else. They are crazier drivers than i have EVER seen. But, they seem to do this all very safely (I'm not sure how there aren't wrecks every 20 meters)....

2. Crosswalks in Rome: Interesting concept if you're at all used to mmm, well, anywhere else. Drivers here pretend they don't see you and will run you down even when you're in a valid and very legal crosswalk. The trick to crossing streets is to just close your eyes and walk. They will screetch to a halt only if you challenge them by stepping into the street AND keep walking. The initial step or two will not encourage them in any way whatsoever to slow, pause, or stop for you. Think of it as a game very similar to 'chicken', but with unequal weapons (car v. foot).

3. Never trust the weather report in Rome. They must do their weather reports the same way they drive - It's going to be 20 C and sunny... No! 12 C and rainy... No! 18 C and windy.... Haha. I've learned to be prepared for everything, no matter what they say.

4. Barcelona is one of the cleanest and ordered cities I've ever been to. The Plaça Catalunya (near where I was staying) has a huge square that is so shiny and clean it can easily be mistaken for ice. No kidding! Roma is nearly the opposite it some ways. The subways are grafitti'd (is that an Italian word?) and I wonder how such a great people could let the city and ancient ruins be marred the way they are. I suppose you get used to 2000 year old buildings if you live here? (And I even saw 2000 year old grafitti at the Colleseum)!

5. Food is unbelievably good, both in Spain/Catalan and Roma. It has put American food to shame at nearly every meal I've had, including breakfast and snacks. I'm determined to learn a few recipes... Specifically a yummy pasta I'm returning to have a 2nd time today... Be on the watchout for New Meals by Amanda, for those of you that have the benefit of enjoying my cooking.

6. I spent a few hours at the Basillica di San Peitro (St. Peter's Basillica) today. It was a bit of a last minute decision - I was on the bus heading to the Castel San Angelo and when the doors opened for the Basillica stop, I jumped off, thinking it would be a quick jaunt prior to the Castel visit, which I'd heard has an amazing view from the top. And I got extremely lucky and was in the ''square'' right when the Pope came out for a speech. Crazy. I need a better camera.... I then went up to the Cupola of the Basillica, ran out of film, but saw some of the most amazing views you could imagine. Standing basically on the roof of a huge cathedral looking out over ruins and buildings 1000s of years old... It's worth a visit.

7. In Barcelona, I had the opportunity to walk through Gaudì's most triumphant building - La Sagrada Familia. This cathedral is amazing... very modern, colorful, and obviously drawn on nature in every bit of its architecture. It's still in the process of being built - 8 of the 12 spires are erected, and they expect the building to be completed at some point in the future, after 100 years of building it thus far. It is anything but traditional. There have been comments made that Gaudì must have been on drugs it is so far out there. I don't mean to imply it isn't beautiful - its definitely is beautiful, especially after you see some of Gaudì's drawings and initial erections. Everything he imagined and created is taken from nature, from the columns and ceilings made to look like trees with umbrellas of leaves, to the basket of oranges at the top of one of the spires. And yes, they are orange. Like I said - anything but traditional.

8. I could live in Barcelona. Big city, little town. Do I have to come back to the US?

9. OK, I have to comment on the keyboards, as its been troublesome trying to learn where keys I use often are located (parentheses, question marks, apostrophes, etc...). I think I may have issues going back to the American standard after a week of my fingers being trained that the apostrophe is next to the 0 instead of next to the L.

10. The Barcelona architecture is amazing. I know, I'm using that word a lot, but trust me on it. I mean it. It's very Mediterranean. Shutters, big windows, flowers, plants in every balcony... *really, do I have to come back?*

11. Take the random English Speaking tours in Rome. They may be on the expensive side for some, but they are definitely worth it. I've learned more history in the last few days than I think I learned through all of my formal education.

12. Signs. I'm so amused at the pictures that are used for typical signage around public places. You know, the no shouting, no grafitti, exit (I can say that word in 5 languages now), etc. signs.... I have some pictures that I'll be posting at some point.

TBC

Worst pick-up line ever....

"I love the way you talk. I know pretty people. You can call me and I'll teach you salsa! I can do 50 push ups. You should really call me."

That's right... I am serious. This was how some guy at a restaurant decided to try picking me up.

HAHA!