"One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." – Henry Miller

I've been traveling quite a bit lately - and totally enjoying it. Although ending up semi-exhausted at the end of each, traveling is well worth it. Mr. Miller has it right: It always ends up as a learning experience; Seeing things in a new light, whether you're visiting far away lands or just going to visit old friends. I love the expansion of mind and soul that follows a good trip. And the bad ones too... when it comes down to it.The last few weeks have been a string of travels for me.

The last month has included Washington, Oregon, Nevada, New Mexico, New York, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Maine, and a brief drive through New Hampshire to get to Maine. A second trip to Albuquerque and a second trip to Seattle are coming in the next 2 weeks, and then back to the East Coast (New York and Virginia) for 2 weeks around Christmas/New Years. ... Call if I'm in the area!

The latest trip was to Seattle, WA/Portland, OR, which allowed me the chance to visit with a good friend that moved away and deep fry a turkey for his family and friends --- My first attempt at such a thing, and it turned out exceptionally well, I must say! (I didn't burn, scorch, or otherwise mutilate the turkey or anything else - quite a feat for me, and I suspect those of you that know me well would agree). :) I hope to have pictures from my cooking extravaganza posted soon.

It was fantastic to spend the Thanksgiving holiday having fun cooking and playing (read: losing) Trivial Pursuit with a group of happy, laughing, people. I also drove down to Portland, primarily for a concert, though Powell's Bookstore, the largest bookstore ever, did manage to snag me for a while. I love the smell of bookstores. The musty, dry, papery smell soaks me up. I will wander for hours in bookstores, if allowed. But I digress...

The concert I went to was Ozomatli, and honestly, one of the best concerts to which I've ever been. The opening act was downright poor - they couldn't get the sound right, they weren't energetic or in touch with the crowd... But when Ozo came on, they were alive! Jumping around, obviously enjoying themselves on stage, and thus, the crowd was in love. Ozo is a band too difficult to explain with a simple sentence. They encompass everything from big band, to salsa, to hip hop, to a reggae island sound, complete with bongos, steel drums, a trombone, trumpet, maracas, a tambourine, and rapping. They hopped off the stage at the end and played songs in the middle of the crowd, which was amazing. The ability to have a large room full of people packed in jump together, crouch on the ground together, and yell together is an incredible thing to be a part of and see. Its amazing to me that people can garner that much influence over a group. Ozo then formed a train, and, all the while playing, wove themselves in and out of the crowd with the floor threatening to fall open to below from the incessant crashing of the jumping fans.

I haven't been to a better concert in a long while. If you have the chance to see this band, DO IT!

I'm going again this week in San Francisco, possibly to Santa Cruz the following weekend as well... They're too good to pass up, and still relatively inexpensive to see. Anyone that wants to join is definitely welcome!

A few thoughts on changes, being affected, and kidneys.

Getting it out on paper... or written, anyhow. Just some running thoughts....

1. I like Ricky's blog
Would you donate your kidney to me? Would I donate mine to you? Hmmm...

2. As I've been away from California (arguably, home) for the majority of the past few weeks, I'm realizing some differences to *me* versus who I have been in certain periods of the last few years. Its said that hind sight is 20/20. I think its closer to 20/40. Either way, it's an interesting emotional process to look back at who you have been and who you are today and actually be able to pick out differences that are so significant, you almost wonder if you're the same person at all.

The reason I bring this up is because this past week I've felt more like the person from 3 years ago than I remember feeling in all of the past 2 years combined. I miss this person.

3. A question: Why on earth do we (ok, I) subject ourselves to things that we know will hurt us? And I'm not talking about anything big, just the small stuff. I'm talking about knowing a certain movie, song, etc. will throw you back somewhere - and literally, it does feel like someone's up and thrown you against a wall - and yet, you can't somehow tear yourself away. What is that?! Is this some quirk that I have; forcing myself to re-live this? Am I dousing myself in this, hoping and waiting for it to not affect me anymore? Or is it wanting to wallow, or thinking I deserve to re-live the awfulness over and over, or something else?

Seriously! What is that about?!

Inherent Evilness

As I have endured widespread unrest and tongue-lashings on my classification of all males as Inherently Evil, I concede that not all males should be labeled as having Maximum Inherent Evilness.

In an effort to dispel any further uprisings on this topic, the implementation of Circles of Inherent Evilness has taken place (think Dante's Circles of Hell):

Circle 1: Minimal Inherent Evilness
Circle 2: Inherent Evilness, Lacking Intent
Circle 3: Inherent Evilness for the Protection of Others
Circle 4: Inherent Evilness for Self Protection
Circle 5: Inherent Evilness with Intent
Circle 6: Inherent Evilness with Intent and Execution, compounded by Emotional Inclusion
Circle 7: Inherent Evilness with Intent and Execution, compounded by Physical Inclusion
Circle 8: Inherent Evilness, Lacking Regret
Circle 9: Maximum Inherent Evilness (combination of Levels 6, 7, and 8)

If further definition is required, examples can be noted on all Circles.

(I may have too much time on my hands).

Difference between Running Away and Moving

I went to Albuquerque this weekend - just to visit and take a break from all that represents California to me these days. It was an amazing trip.... Enjoyed myself and really remembered the person I liked to be. So much so that I sat on the plane ride home and wrote down a 3 page soliloquy that was running through my head. A short highlight on the direction of my thoughts:
An odd thought to have run through your head: Understanding there's such a vast difference between who I used to be and who I am now....

I had a conversation about how different I am today and why I make some of the decisions that I do... Specifically, why I "run away" (move!). I guess that's what it seems like since I've moved a million times in the last 3 or 4 years now. Literally, I'm working on my 14th move since October 2003... not a million, but to give myself some credit, not all of it was major moves... multiple times within cities!

Anyhow, back to the running away, which I disagree with. What's the difference between running away and challenging yourself to something new and different? Or how long are you supposed to tough a situation out before you can be deemed an idiot for keeping yourself in a bad position to begin with? I think there's a fine line between these... but I'm not one to stand still if someone's swinging a bat at my head. I will move! I think the idiot would be the one that doesn't run.... Right?

Recurring thought: Travel-Writer seems like the perfect occupation.
Reality: My writing would end up being about where my mind takes me rather than the actual places I've visited.

Why I Love New Mexicans

They are extraordinary. Friendly. Helpful. Go out of their way to help you.... This was my experience today with a transplanted New Mexican.

I'm helping to host to a baby shower tomorrow and was given 2 tasks to manage: decoration and find/make a diaper cake. The primary of these being the diaper cake. At least in my opinion. (Everyone needs one, right?!)

One thing that should be noted about me is that I am fantastically effective in the art of procrastination. Although I've had a month to figure this out - if not more than that - I decided yesterday afternoon I should start thinking about this diaper cake thing. And today I decided to do something about it. The cake's appearance tomorrow is scheduled for 11am. Oy!

I called a few places (after 5pm, I might add - I wasn't kidding about the procrastination) to find that no one, NO ONE, was open or even had a cake in stock anyhow.... Ugh. I was coming to the conclusion that I was going to have to make this grandiose cake myself.

UNTIL! I called a small boutique in Santa Cruz, wonderful place that it is... A last-ditch effort, based on a note in a website saying that a diaper cake - making company shipped to this particular little boutique. A girl answers the phone, explains to me that she does, in fact, have 2 cakes in stock - a pretty yellow 3-tiered one, and a small blue one. As Charlotte is having a baby girl, the blue isn't appropriate, so I immediately ask the relevant questions regarding the yellow one - its perfect!

Unfortunately, she informs me that the store closes as 6pm (its already after 6 at this point, and I'm not even in Santa Cruz yet), and doesn't open tomorrow until 10am (when I'm supposed to be in Los Altos). Argh! I explain my situation and the fabulous person that this girl is, offers to come back in an hour to let me get this cake... *sigh of relief* She gave me her cell phone number (505!!!!), explains that its a New Mexico # (she's from Las Cruces), and to give me a call when I'm in the area so she can come do this for me. It makes me so happy to meet people in California that are from New Mexico. I love that!

So she made my day. I have the most beautiful Yellow Orchid Diaper Cake ever, in time for the shower, and all thanks to the New Mexico kindness.... I'm so happy! :)

A Dog-Napping!

I witnessed the most unbelievable dog-napping the other day and as I found it a tad bit sad and uproariously hilarious at the same time, I think I should explain. Before I do however, please do note that although I found this absolutely the most hysterical event ever, I do not condone dog-nappings otherwise.

If you've read my previous blog, you'll know I recently moved back to Santa Cruz. I could love this town solely for the story factor! Because my move creates a considerable distance between where I'm living and where the rest of my life is still remaining (storage unit full of crap, work, friends, etc.), gas has already started becoming an Item of Note in my life. $3.10 per gallon to go 75 miles r/t to work everyday and it would be an Item of Note in anyone's book... What was I thinking!?

Anyhow, so because I'm traveling back and forth so much this weekend, I stopped in Santa Cruz the other day to get some gas. Apparently everyone and their cousin have decided to relocate to S.C. for the holiday weekend because while I'm at the gas station, I'm watching all these RVs drive by with at least 22 people in each one. I swear! No, okay, I don't b/c it would take away the credibility of the story I'm getting to and this coming story deserves its credit. I digress...

So I'm people-watching waiting for the gas pump to finish, which takes a while since my tank is completely empty, and this RV pulls into the bank of pumps one row over from mine. And this is the swankiest, decked-out RV I've seen yet... its got the nice paint job and the Lexus being towed behind it and all. This woman gets out of the RV in a hot pink and purple jogging suit, complete with gold jewelry and the poufed-up bleach-blonde hair. I'm already grinning about how totally LA this woman is, when she pulls from the RV her equally as coifed toy poodle on a leash.

Unbelievable that these people actually exist. Ms. LA chats with her dog and puts him on the ground and starts sauntering towards the shop after him while her husband is getting out of the RV on the other side.

At this point my eyes start drifting. Although Ms. LA is completely out of place in Santa Cruz, my interest has waned and I'm looking for the next something to catch my eye. I notice a bird flying around above us against the beautiful blue sky of a perfect Santa Cruz day.... Its really so pretty out here! I start to realize that the big bird is circling and vaguely think that something must be dead on the side of the road. Thinking this completely messes up the prettiness of the picture, I get lost in my thoughts, though am still watching as as its circling gets tighter. All of a sudden, this bird dives down out of the sky, I swear to God, and grabs Ms. LA's little toy poodle, pulling the whole leash from Ms. LA's grasp!!!!!

The bird takes off, not missing a beat, with this little white dog firmly in its possession. The dog is gone.

Ms. LA FLIPS out, jumping around, shouting at her husband, who hasn't seen this happen, to do something. I'm on the ground, doubled over laughing so hard I'm crying, along with the handful of others at the station who've seen this happen.

It was the funniest thing I've ever seen! I laughed for a solid 20 minutes after getting back into my car and driving off. The woman was going crazy when I left, trying to explain to her husband that Fluffy had just been "dog-napped" by a hawk or some such bird... HAHAHA!

I do not know if I will ever again have a story as good as this one.

Conclusions on Luck

"If Amanda didn't have bad luck, she wouldn't have any luck at all!"

... So says a friend of my mother's after hearing about the car wreck I was in a month ago, knowing I spent the last year being sick and going through 2 operations, getting fired from the job for which I moved to California, AND getting my heart fractured into pieces. Her opinion sounds like a reasonable statement, if not understated, in my humble opinion. I have tended to agree with the idea that I'm consumed by bad luck over the last few weeks. (Making me a miserable, depressing person to be around, I'm sure).

Last night, all that changed. I went down to Santa Cruz for the evening and walked into this brewery/restaurant downtown that I love for their atmosphere and beers and hate for their food. I sit down, order some snacks and start chatting. Unbeknownst to me, it is Raffle Night at 99 Bottles (of Beer on the Wall). [Yes, they do have 99 different beers offered. Amazing, huh?!] As soon as I get my first three tickets to be entered in the raffle, they call out my number! I yelled out "I GOT IT", much like I would in Bingo, and hopped downstairs to collect my prize, bowing and cheering the way there. Ok, so I only won a pint of beer, 3 beer cap magnets and the Lagunitas glass my pint came in, but Dude, I won something!!! That, my friends, is a turn in the tide of Luck. :)

Then comes Wednesday. Today added two nice items to my "good" list. :) Now for some decision-making!

I feel like I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum from where I was only 2 weeks ago. Is this how its supposed to go, or is this really just a handful of good luck to make up for the last year of hard things?

One thing I'm sure of, what a relief to have some positives come my direction....

Impending Transitions

Today I did it. I made a concrete decision about where I'm moving to and when I'm moving there. In actuality, it was a less of a conscious decision than me curling my arms in to me, closing my eyes tight, and jumping into the water. But either way, I paid rent for 2 months on a place back in Santa Cruz and I move in on Saturday. Its going to be a helluva drive everyday from Santa Cruz to Sunnyvale and back again - literally over the mountains and through the woods - but I'm looking forward to living back by the beach.

Santa Cruz is an interesting town. There really is no perfect descriptor for it other than interesting. Its isolated from the rest of the bay area by the Santa Cruz mountains that run along the eastern edge of the town. There is a single road (the infamous Hwy 1) the runs North and South out of town, but that road provides 1. a lack of a real place to go if you go South (Monterey for the day, maybe?) and 2. the inconsistant, slow, North-bound access to San Francisco. It will take you 2 hours to get there using this road, provided the 101 isn't shut down for flooding, mudslides, etc.

Because of this isolation, it seems to have evaded the 10,000% growth the rest of the bay area has seen over the last 10 years. You can still see places where the 1989 earthquake left its mark. People are normal there - they're not crazy Californians! Not that Silicon Valley or San Franciscans aren't normal, but ... no, they aren't. They're a team of IT rats tripping over themselves they're still running so fast to make back the tons of investment dollars they lost in the dot-com crash.

Santa Cruz is an idle beach and college town in the winter with a portion of the population coming "over the hill" to work in Silicon Valley. In the summer it turns into a traveller's destination that doesn't rid itself of the charm that keeps the year-round folks from leaving every September. Downtown is a strip of 1 and 2 story buildings, the majority of which haven't been renovated in quite some time. It doesn't pretend to be an upscale place. It doesn't try to lure the wealthy to high-priced, vanity shops. It boasts and treasures the locally owned bookstores, unique gift shops, and even a thrift store. The Gap, O'Neil Surf Shop, and Borders Books are avoided by many hoping to keep the locals in business.

I've decided to move here for the summer, primarily to keep some salty wind in my lungs, make sure I get out of the house more, and to see the fabulous Boardwalk Concert Series - Eddie Money is playing! Come on, who'd want to miss that?! :)

I don't think I'll miss the preppiness of Los Gatos, nor the smug doctors driving around my town in their Ferraris. I do think I'll miss the short drive to work