My Choose Your Own Adventure Book

A friend of mine is getting married and going through a “which life do I want” dilemma that’s making me think about what I want in 5 or 10 years. I know not all of my hang ups are either-ors (there are instances where both can happen), but I feel like I should know by now what I want in life. I don’t think that’s the case for me at the moment.

At 12, (6th grade), we all had to write down what we wanted to be and what we wanted with our lives in 10 years. My 12 year old idea of where I’d be today was very defined. Where I actually am from where I thought I’d be so completely different, its unbelievable. At least I kinda had a plan, though…. right?
I was going to be a doctor (probably would still be in school).
I was going to have kids (who knows… They don’t fit in my life at the moment).
I was going to be married (the idea of forever requires a patience I don’t know that I have).
I wasn’t going to live in NYC (school, kids, and a husband would not have allowed it).
I was going to travel the world (this, at least, I’m doing somewhat inline with my 12-year-old idea).
My parents would be retired (my Dad can’t seem to figure that one out).
My best friend would live much closer (damn it, Amy!)
I’d never even think about teaching (today it sounds so relaxing…. And I did love doing it).

At 28, if I think ahead 16 years ahead (44, for you math majors), I seem to come across this black hole of ideas. A million plans in a million directions and nothing certain or concrete. Maybe its a lack of focus. I’d rather call it open-mindedness. Or insatiable curiosity. Not that this by any name is anything out of the ordinary… How many college majors and states did I run through before landing where I’m at?! It’s a bit disturbing in an oddly satisfying way.

There are a few options that seem to be seriously viable possibilities, and I know the decisions I make today will place me into one of these lives. Likely without allowing me the chance to consciously decide which I really want. Does anyone really end up consciously deciding where they land anyhow? I need to be able to read ahead in my Choose Your Own Adventure book and see which life works out the best so I can make my decisions accordingly. If anyone comes across the book about me, send it my way.

Things I've forgotten and Newly Remembered

// I really really really like the sun
// Gray skies were never my thing
// Mailing cards when I have a deadline is hard. When there is no deadline, I mail them often!
// I shake when I get really nervous, even when I shouldn’t be nervous
// Opening the door for people in my California office was always a pain
// I have a Fry’s gift card that I haven’t yet used… and can’t in NY
// I miss having no roommates
// Cooking is usually much tastier than food I order in.
// My head and my heart don’t often agree
// Ashley’s couch really is comfortable