I have to admit 2 things:
1. I am a weirdo when it comes to baseball... Super-passionate, uber-excitable, avid follower. Anyone who knows me at all can attest to this. Which leads to my second revelation of the day:
2. I play fantasy baseball.
Not only do I play it, but I'm that guy that checks it daily (and still isn't number 1 - grrr), updating my players, checking who's being dropped, added, figuring out new ways to evaluate my players - I even get all of my players' stats for the day sent to my phone (ok, so this is complements of one of my clients at work, but that is neither here nor there).
I also enjoy a tiny bit of sh** talk. Smack Talk. Making Cracks. That's right - I like to goad people, make them feel like crap when they can't beat me, and even stoop low enough to claim "At least I'm prettier than you" when they do beat me.
And yet, this year, NO ONE has said a word back. There's a part of me, only a small speck, mind you, that is feels the tiniest bit bad about making snarky comments to everyone. This is supposed to be a game, people! Games are supposed to include people that WANT and LIKE to win... People with a competitive spirit that enjoy trash talking. It fires you up (unless no one bothers to care that you are trash talking).
And this is the problem that I'm running into.... very disappointing, I must say, very disappointing.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Starting Over...
This being my first post that I've publicized, you might think I'm "starting over" my blogging.
I wish it was that simple!
In the past 2 weeks I've made some pretty tough decisions:
1. To move Cross Country, planned for July (in a month!)
2. To turn down a fantastic job offer with a company I respect
3. To (try to) open my heart to someone I've cared about for a long time
I didn't mean to put them in order from easiest to most difficult, but I did. It even seems harder for me to spit out the decisions I've made as I get further down my list (so my list is only 3 items long... let me believe this is as hard as it feels).
The cross-country move has been something I've had on my mind for a while now. It was part of the reason the Other Job was appealing to me. I love California and all, but gotta say, I don't think the state has really liked me - at least until I decided to leave. It's being nice now, right as I'm getting ready to make the big move. There's so much I'm going to miss. I, being the list-maker that I am, made a Pros and Cons list before I made the decision to move. There were items on this list that were stricken off by friends and family that seem now to have merrit - namely, good Cali wineries, Santa Cruz (yes, the entire town; beach, boardwalk, downtown, pier, and all), proximity to fluffy Tahoe skiing, and shark fishing. Oh yes, and let's not forget the sunroof on my car (not the car itself), and my fantabulous balcony overlooking the pool. All valid items to list on my Pros for staying in California.... right? NYC seems great though; I'll love giving up my car (not the sunroof!), living in the city, having everything open late, being able to walk places (maybe this is a Con in the winter)... In the end, the score was California - 10, New York City - 10.5.
I've made the decision to turn down a new position (at a new company) that would allow me to lead the account management division of a company - this was a tough decision. When it came down to it, I accepted it, gave my notice to my current company, and was asked to stay - and offered the ability to move NYC if that's what I needed. After much discussion and even more thought, I decided the best decision was to stay with my current company. I'm happy about it - I like the company, the people I work with, and what I do - and now I believe there's some understanding around where I can grow. In the end, this was a good thing for me to go through.
The heart is by far the most difficult one. For a number of reasons, after starting to date someone a year and a half ago - someone I cared immensely about - I ended things. Granted, most of my reasoning behind this wasn't great; In many ways it was selfish, though I do know I was trying to do what I thought was best. My problem was that I refused to discuss the real reasons for ending things.
February this year was a turning point - I finally was at a point where I could allow myself to be in a realationship, but I didn't know how to go about changing things. Only recently have I opened up about my reasons, and I think I may have taken too long to open up, losing any chance I had with this person... I'm not sure now how to handle this - if there's even a possibility left - but I do know at least that I have to open myself up to him in order to even have a prayer. And now I just wait.....?
I wish it was that simple!
In the past 2 weeks I've made some pretty tough decisions:
1. To move Cross Country, planned for July (in a month!)
2. To turn down a fantastic job offer with a company I respect
3. To (try to) open my heart to someone I've cared about for a long time
I didn't mean to put them in order from easiest to most difficult, but I did. It even seems harder for me to spit out the decisions I've made as I get further down my list (so my list is only 3 items long... let me believe this is as hard as it feels).
The cross-country move has been something I've had on my mind for a while now. It was part of the reason the Other Job was appealing to me. I love California and all, but gotta say, I don't think the state has really liked me - at least until I decided to leave. It's being nice now, right as I'm getting ready to make the big move. There's so much I'm going to miss. I, being the list-maker that I am, made a Pros and Cons list before I made the decision to move. There were items on this list that were stricken off by friends and family that seem now to have merrit - namely, good Cali wineries, Santa Cruz (yes, the entire town; beach, boardwalk, downtown, pier, and all), proximity to fluffy Tahoe skiing, and shark fishing. Oh yes, and let's not forget the sunroof on my car (not the car itself), and my fantabulous balcony overlooking the pool. All valid items to list on my Pros for staying in California.... right? NYC seems great though; I'll love giving up my car (not the sunroof!), living in the city, having everything open late, being able to walk places (maybe this is a Con in the winter)... In the end, the score was California - 10, New York City - 10.5.
I've made the decision to turn down a new position (at a new company) that would allow me to lead the account management division of a company - this was a tough decision. When it came down to it, I accepted it, gave my notice to my current company, and was asked to stay - and offered the ability to move NYC if that's what I needed. After much discussion and even more thought, I decided the best decision was to stay with my current company. I'm happy about it - I like the company, the people I work with, and what I do - and now I believe there's some understanding around where I can grow. In the end, this was a good thing for me to go through.
The heart is by far the most difficult one. For a number of reasons, after starting to date someone a year and a half ago - someone I cared immensely about - I ended things. Granted, most of my reasoning behind this wasn't great; In many ways it was selfish, though I do know I was trying to do what I thought was best. My problem was that I refused to discuss the real reasons for ending things.
February this year was a turning point - I finally was at a point where I could allow myself to be in a realationship, but I didn't know how to go about changing things. Only recently have I opened up about my reasons, and I think I may have taken too long to open up, losing any chance I had with this person... I'm not sure now how to handle this - if there's even a possibility left - but I do know at least that I have to open myself up to him in order to even have a prayer. And now I just wait.....?
Sunday, June 10, 2007
WAIT!!!
I spent today cleaning. REALLY cleaning. My car, which hasn't been thoroughly cleaned in at least 3 years, is now spotless. Vacuumed, dusted, steam cleaned... Its great! I'm so completely impressed with my car now that it's clean that I definitely can't - don't want to - sell it to move into the city.
My house also got the same treatment - vacuuming, dusting, going through boxes of stuff, framing pictures to get them off the floor; I even bought some 20 hangars to make sure I have enough to hang up all my [new] clothes. I feel so content in my house and with my car and with my life here that I'm having 2nd (and 3rd!) thoughts about the big move. Namely, I DON'T WANT TO GO YET!!!!
I'm down to just over 2 weeks left in California, and while I'm excited about moving to NYC and starting my life there, I'm SO happy with my life out here at the moment. Do I have to go yet? [Yes]. Can't I wait a bit longer? [No].
*sigh*
I will miss it here.
My house also got the same treatment - vacuuming, dusting, going through boxes of stuff, framing pictures to get them off the floor; I even bought some 20 hangars to make sure I have enough to hang up all my [new] clothes. I feel so content in my house and with my car and with my life here that I'm having 2nd (and 3rd!) thoughts about the big move. Namely, I DON'T WANT TO GO YET!!!!
I'm down to just over 2 weeks left in California, and while I'm excited about moving to NYC and starting my life there, I'm SO happy with my life out here at the moment. Do I have to go yet? [Yes]. Can't I wait a bit longer? [No].
*sigh*
I will miss it here.
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